Keeping the faith

As my friend Teresa posted on her FB page: " There's so much going on in the news these days. It's almost scary in comic book epic proportions...."

One week ago, I was taking a walk among the cherry blossoms, getting my arms sunburned, when I received a phone call from my step mom:  my dad was in the hospital with 3 broken ribs and a punctured lung.  

Among the cherry blossoms, pre-phone call.

Respite for talking

As I sat below this tree, on a hard (and small) piece of wood, listening to my step mom describe my dad's condition of withering away and how she was losing her soul mate, I was overwhelmed with emotion for all that my dad and step mom were going through.  They have a love that has endured many struggles and challenges, along with much joy, for 35 years.  It's a true example of what it means to love someone with all your heart and soul, and when one person slowly slips away, it's heart-breaking.

After we finished the call, I sat for a while with the sun on my back and the blue water in front of me, and I couldn't help but feel blessed for all the time I've had with my dad.  From years of no contact in my adolescence to a strong commitment on both of our parts to re-forge a relationship, I am deeply grateful for the connection we have today.  There's nothing left unsaid between us.  We both know how much we mean to the other person.  That can't always be said about relationships.

So...with some reorganization of my life, and lots of help and encouragement from friends and family, I was on a plane Friday night to see my parents.  

The power of love is a miraculous thing.  Almost from the moment I arrived, my dad perked up, his appetite returned, and he's on the slow road to recovery.  He's out of the hospital, his condition is no longer life-threatening, but his life has changed.  I'm not sure that he realizes it entirely, but it has.

And so here I am, in my own stage of mid-life (and yes, with my birthday tomorrow, I suppose I can say--hopefully--that I'm in the middle of my life)...taking care of young adult children AND my aging parents.  It's a strange part of life to be in.  Definitely some un-chartered territory here.  But applying what I've learned thus far from my life, I'm know I need to be truly present in the moment, keep breathing, and remember that all things happen in their right time.

So with a week almost scary in comic book epic proportions (the Boston Marathon bombing, the fertilizer plant explosion, the Senate not passing the bill on background checks), and now...the death of my colleague and friend Paul, I'm having a hard time seeing the "right time" in all this...but I'm in doing my best to keep the faith.

A kaleidoscope for the Big Kids

I used to think that when you had little kids, it was so hard to protect them from the bad occurrences in the world.   But now that I have older kids, I think it was actually easier when they were younger.  

As a parent of young kids, I could always turn off the TV (like I did on 9/11 when we were in Cairo), hide the newspapers, or restrict internet viewing.  Of course, I didn't have any control over what happened at school, what other students said and what adults may have discussed in the hallways, ripe for "overhearing"....but in general, I had some control. 

Now that the kids are older, and (more or less) out of the house, I understand very acutely that I have no control to what they are exposed.  They are free to take in as much information about the world's events as they like, or shield themselves and live with little knowledge.  They have become their own filters of information, which allows them to experience the events of the world, just like "us adults," but with a less experienced frame of reference to process.

Such is the case with the Boston Marathon bombing.    

This terrible tragedy has made me think of many things.   One of which is that as a parent of "young adult children," what's my role in helping them cope?  I'm no longer the "filter of information" or the "shield of protection."  I'm not with them everyday to monitor their stress and responses and to seek appropriate help, if needed.  In a way, I've been replaced....by themselves.

But realistically speaking, isn't that the eventual goal of "launching" children? Having them take over our parental roles and do for themselves, right?  However, we cannot overlook that they still need us.  

Given that, I've concluded that my role is actually the same as it always has been, only with a different shape.  I'm still here to love them--not by restricting, but by being available--and to reassure them, that no matter what is going on in the world, they always have a safe place full of love to "come home."

It's like a twist of a kaleidoscopic.  All the components are the same, but the design is different.  Still beautiful, but different.

TLs for the kids

When I got married, my in-laws introduced me to the concept of a "TL."  It stands for trade-last, meaning that if you heard something good about someone, you could go up to that person and say, "I have a TL for you." Then the other person would need to say something nice about you, and then you would "trade" them for the good thing you heard about them.  For me, it was an odd concept, but I was eager to fit in, so I played along.

It never really "took hold" with my own kids, but I've heard it so often, that it frequently pops into my head on certain occasions.....like the other day, when when my brother-in-law emailed me to say that I should be proud of the birthday card Ross sent to his Grandmom. Apparently he picked something with a very good sentiment, wrote some very touching things, and mailed it so that she received it on time (that's the key part, right?), all without being reminded by me.  Wow...as a mother....that's pretty great to hear.

Then, I was shopping in Costco this week and I got a FB message from my friend Eric that simply said, "You got a good kid." 

Like a Rolodex, my mind was scrolling through the whereabouts of my kids, so I could figure out "which kid" he was talking about.  Immediately I thought, "Ah ha!  Patrick must have arrived in Istanbul."  :-)  I then checked FB News Feed and saw that Christy had posted Patrick's arrival and that he was already bonding with their son Austin. Then, I read Patrick's message to me about how he bought some hostess presents for Eric and Christy, (without my prompting I might add), and again I thought, "wow...this is so great to hear!"

While not especially a "TL", writing this reminds me of the phone call I had with Christina recently, where she was telling me how she got up on time, took a train to Providence, taxi to the airport, and flew to Oregon (to see her Manila peeps for Thanksgiving), all the while successfully registering online for her next semester's classes. She just seemed so organized, grown up, and confident.  She had a plan (that seemed pretty good to me) and called me after she executed it.  Again....that's pretty great to hear!

Over the many years of parenting, I have wondered if any of my "parental instructions" would ever take hold. It seemed like the tunnel was so long, and the light very, very dim.  However, with the events of the past week, I can clearly see that they have, each kid manifesting my instructions with their own personal interpretations.

As Thanksgiving approaches this week, I am especially thankful for my kids.  I think of all the struggles I've had over the years, and the challenges we've faced, and I'm just so happy to be in this new chapter of our relationship. They do a wonderful job of showering me with their love and support, and I'm so appreciative of that, every day.

Hey R, P, & C:  I just wanted you to know this....and,by the way, no trade is required. :-)

Big Vegetables for Singles?

I wish I had taken a picture of the big cabbage I bought at the grocery store the other day.  I needed 1/2 C for a recipe, and I walked away with the only cabbage left:  4lbs and built like a bowling ball (come to think of it, that's probably why it was the only cabbage left!).  Then I started taking a look around the store, and ALL the vegetables seemed gi-normous!  Over in the baking potatoes section, well...you could feel a family of 4 with just one potato.  The tomatoes? Same story.  Lettuce anyone?  Let's buy it by the box.  Carrots?  well, we only sell those by the 2lb bag.

And so I'm thinking, this vegetable size is great for a family but what about the single people?  How am I ever going to find portions appropriate for one person?

There's a certain adjustment period when you transition away from buying groceries for a family of 5, to 4 to 3 to 2 and then finally 1.  I remember after the boys left for school, my helper in Manila,  finally had to tell me, "Ma'am, please stop buying all these groceries.  You and Christina simply don't need them."  And, just when I got used to 2 people, now I'm down to 1.

At least the holidays will postpone the adjustment process for awhile.  I mean, you always have to make extra food at the holidays, right? And then the kids will be with me, so I really don't have to think about single portion size until they go back to school, and that's not until 2013.....sounds pretty good to me.

But one thing I do know...we're going to be having cabbage for Thanksgiving!

Top 10 Home Leave Differences

Gosh it's been a long time since I've blogged.   I could go back and wax poetic on my time in Manila and blah, blah, blah, but I'm more in a frame of mind to move forward, so here's a top 10 list of how this home leave is different from previous ones....

10. It's just me and Oscar.

9.  There's no crazy running around to see everyone I know stateside.

8.  There's no crazy shopping for all the "essentials" we need for the year to come. 

7.  I'm going to estate sales and becoming an "American Picker".

6.  I'm hanging out with my dad and hearing stories that end with, "Well I measured, and from my house to your yard, the site on my rifle says it's 215 ft."

5. I could sleep all day, if I didn't have my EER to finish.

4. I'm communicating with my kids via technology.

3. I'm cooking.

2. I'm test driving cars.

1. It's freakin' cold when you take home leave in a non-summer month!!!!

Olympic Reflections

Time has an interesting way of marking itself.  Four years ago today, I arrived in the Philippines.  I know that because of the date on the calendar...July 28.  But I also know that, because four years ago (around today), I was watching the Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremonies at a friend's house with Patrick and Christina because we had just moved into our temporary quarters and didn't yet  have cable.

As I watch the Parade of Athletes, I think of how my global experience has changed in four years. Now, I actually know where Palau, Micronesia, and the Marshall Islands are (along with Tuvalu, Vanuatu, and the Cook and Midway Islands).  And by "know", I mean more than just being able to locate them in an atlas.  Now, I look at these countries' athletes and their costumes, and totally understand why they are wearing flowers in their hair and long, colorful outfits.  Instead of just thinking, "That looks like how an island nation might dress."  Now I know because I've been to some of those places, met the people, and made some friends.....and, even "regular people" walking the streets, dress (and look) like that.

The same with other countries where I've visited since I've lived in Manila,like Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, Thailand, and Guam (thought that's not really another country).  I find that the faces and clothes of the athletes are pretty representative of the people I met when I traveled there....all with the exception of the Philippines!

I understand the pointy hat that they were wearing (that's pretty much all over the fields and farms of the Philippines), but the plain ivory color, I just don't know about that.  Nothing about the Philippines seems "plain ivory" to me.  Yes, the faces of the Olympic athletes were smiling (and as we all know, there are so many smiling faces in the Philippines, so that's an accurate representation), but their clothes were not.  I think of the Philippines as being such a colorful country....just look at their flag, or their festivals....to me, there's nothing "plain ivory" about it.  And besides, who would wear plain ivory in Manila...it would get so dirty so fast!!!  Maybe that's why they chose ivory?  Because they could wear it relatively "dirt-free" in London?  lol Or maybe they are trying to impart a formidable feel since there are only 11 athletes in total?  I don't know.  And, that surprised me too....only 11?  That's all?  Given how many people are running around the CCP every morning, and The Fort at night, I would think there would be more than just 11, but I wish them all the best of luck....especially Filipina 200m freestyle swimmer Jessie Khing Lacuna (a swimmer will always have a place in this swimmer's heart).  

Originally, I was missing the American media coverage of the Opening Ceremonies, but now, after watching the Filipino coverage, I feel pretty satisfied.  I'm happy that, after four years, I can understand, the "Taglish" reporting style, and it's heart-warming to see how much positive coverage they do give to the US team.  Clearly Filipino-American friendship runs deep and that's not something that was evident to me, four years ago, after my arrival.

Four years later, four years wiser.

First Blog Post

As time goes on, I might have to get more clever with my titles...but since this is the only blog post, where I can "officially" use that title, I'm going to stick with it. 


After years of thinking about writing a blog, I'm actually doing it!  and it's daunting already, as questions swirl around in my brain:  who will read my blog?  what will I write about?  how can I manage to fill a page?  In fact, this page is already looking awfully blank and white, and for those of you who really know me (and I mean, really know me), know I suffer terribly from writer's block.  So I'm hoping that a fantastic by-product of writing a blog, might be getting rid of the writer's block?


At any rate, it probably doesn't matter who the audience is, or what the content is.  I just hope that you enjoy the little glimpse into what's going on in my life.  


So the title.... A dear friend once told me that the surface interval is for recharging and getting ready for the next dive.  

I quite like that thought, and think it says it all.